The Annoyances of Playing Well with Others

Joining my new corp (Ubuntu) has shown me alot of things. Mainly, that I know alot about EVE and its mechanics. Second, that Im still pretty much a dumbass with alot about EVE and its mechanics. The first part is due to being in a corp with new people. I mean, real new people to EVE. The second, due to a conversation with a Tusker in chat about a Cruor fit that I didnt like. Both of which I enjoyed; as I dont mind sharing what I do know with other people and I also dont mind getting my ass kicked in stuff I dont know.

What both of these experiences has shown me is that I enjoy playing with newbies, because teaching them about the game and getting them hook is fun. Ive also learned that I dont want to be a newbie, as I have been since I started playing without actively realizing it. I say actively, because I already knew Im a huge carebear but didnt see it myself. I mean, look at my kills and losses, those say it all. I am getting the feeling that I used to get when playing EverQuest and EQ2: The drive to be the best. This has both good and bad things.

The Good
The good part of this is that I have a newfound vision of things and how I want them to be. I dont want to be that bug that gets stomped at every engagement anymore. I want to learn the deep and hardcore mechanics of the game and how they interact between the different equipment (ships/mods/ect) that players use. This drive will lead me into the "end-game" that is in any MMO. Its why I was able to do well raiding with world/server wide top guilds in my prior game.

The Bad
This drive requires dedication and focus, neither of which I want to put forth in the amount needed to succeed. I fell into this habit of doing whatever it took to win with EQ2, and when the game changed to where I didnt enjoy it anymore, I got nothing from those years of dedication and loyalty to one game. What happens when or if that occurs in EVE? Id be left with nothing again. It was hard enough to quit playing EQ2, and I still havent entirely stopped playing as I log in to group with my brother once in awhile with the hope that it has gotten better only to be let down.

With this "drive" that wants me to succeed combined with the feelings of not wanting to fall into old habits, its rather difficult to do what I want to do. So for now, Im going to continue my focused my plan of getting into a Legion to provide income from missions and sell my Navy Apoc. Ive snuck in some gunnery and missile skills though, so that Amarr Cruiser 5 is taking a little longer to complete than it should.

I have a limitation of no pirating in my current corp, however, I have chosen to pirate anyways. A recent hulk gank resulted in a threat of a high sec war, which I am sad to report has not occured yet. Its time to adjust my jump clones and implants to turn my focus away from getting myself in situations where I lose my ships or cargo and towards geting kills and getting deep into the mechanics of EVE combat.